Thursday, August 31, 2006

You know you're from Montreal when.





You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mawntreal".

You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before
we get to the dep."

Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

You understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,'

'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of
their nerves of steel.

The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right
on a red.

You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.

In moments of
paranoia, you think that there's no red line on the Metro
because red is a federalist colour.

You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur
if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.

You refer to Tremblant as "up North."

You know how to pronounce Pie IX.

You have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."

You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul but
your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your
classmates live there now.

You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once
a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.

You know at least one person who works for the CBC, and at least one
other person who used to work for Nortel.(Northern
Electric)

You're not impressed with hardwood floors.

You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.

You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for
at least 25 years.

You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.

You get Bowser & Blue.

You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.

You order fries 'with sauce', not 'with gravy'.

Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK
is finger lickin' good.

You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.

For two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.

You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for
the green
light.

Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think
they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai
Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...and, you
consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy Lafleur,
Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.

You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.

You know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton's.

You miss apostrophes.

You've seen Brother Andre's heart.

No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux
tourtes."

You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

You measure temperature and
distance in metric, but weight and height in
Imperial measure.

You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or
Gowan).

You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to
North
America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de
Burgh.

You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never
been in grade 12.

The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.

Every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.

You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose
cousin or something dated
him.

There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24
hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.

You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

You're a Habs fan; always was, always will be...

You know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on
centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned
whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).

You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the
accent.

You've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee
Scottish hats.

You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

You encounter bilingual homeless
people.

While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna"
is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that
the "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on
how good your English is.

You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA
system, no matter what the language.

You think of Old Montreal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced
restaurants,old buildings and badly paved streets.

You understand that La Fete Nationale is not a celebration of Quebec's
birthday".

You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even
remotely funny.

You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every
corner
downtown.

You like your pizza all-dressed

15 comments:

edbro68 MSN said...

Bill, What do you mean 'an ancient aunt who still says Saint Dennis'?  I still say Saint Dennis. Ed

secondave MSN said...

So do I Ed, and always have done so.
Bill

claroleca2 MSN said...

Not positive, but I think Pharmaprix is Pharmaplus, instead of Shoppers Drug Mart. Isn't it?     Have a great Labour Day weekend!     Claroleca

margo MSN said...

 
 
Pharamprix is Shoppers Drug Mart. Margo

shirleybh2 MSN said...

What?   it's St Dennis, St Antoine pronounced like twine, St James and St Lawrence Main, it's Seigneur pronounced like Senior and if they didnt screw around it would still be Dorchester, Burnside and Fulford and Aqueduct not Georges Vanier or Lucien L'Allier.

edbro68 MSN said...

It's too hard to learn new things. I still say oilcloth instead of linoleum and by the way I still call it Dorchester. I called it that at 7, I call it that at 70. Rene Levesque be damned. Ed

shirleybh2 MSN said...

Ok what are some other things It was a basin not a sink It was a buffet not a side board It was a parlor or front room where we had chesterfields We had balconies and verandahs We had a bread man, a milk man, an ice man and a coal man - no further explanation needed We could call in our order and have it delivered from the grocery store along with beer sometimes on tick.

maggieputtick MSN said...

I think in some ways time has stood still in Verdun. You can still order groceries and beer although now it is from the "Dep" and watch from your "veranda" or "front room" window for the delivery guy.

stangiles MSN said...

Can't say that I know anything about a fat lady at Eaton's !!!

mom1945-linda MSN said...

Not quite sure I remember her from Eaton's either, but I do remember a fat lady at Belmont Park.  She used to laugh....a really deep down belly laugh.  Of course, it wasn't a real person, but funny just the same.   Cheers.

madreallife2 MSN said...

Second Ave, this is so funny, it reminds of what someone at work said, she is from Russia, lives in Verdun and she told me see lives on Ile des Soeurs to which I said, where is that?  Took me five minutes to realize she meant, NUNS ISLAND.....ha ha, guess ya never get rid of the "montreal" in you.

synerrgize MSN said...

We also had a RAG MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!With a horse & cart......



Norman





>From: "ShirleyBH2"
>Reply-To: "Verdun Connections"
>To: "Verdun Connections"
>Subject: Re: You know you're from Montreal when.
>Date: Sun, 3 Sep 2006 22:18:17 -0700
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> Ok what are some other things It was a basin not a sink It
>was a buffet not a side board It was a parlor or front room where we had
>chesterfields We had balconies and verandahs We had a bread man, a milk
>man, an ice man and a coal man - no further explanation needed We could
>call in our order and have it delivered from the grocery store along with
>beer sometimes on tick.
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habfan MSN said...

The first thing I thought about is how Americans call it "Mawntreal". I cringe when I hear that     Mike

mom1945-linda MSN said...

Funny to hear the different pronunciations for Quebec:   Qwibec.......Kabec........Kubec........Kaybec

i12cyrbvr MSN said...

The kid delivering beer used to get pissed off because we bought our beer with empties he'd have to pile on and take back!!  Jim Jennings