Thursday, August 31, 2006
You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mawntreal".
You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before
we get to the dep."
Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
You understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,'
'francophone,' and 'allophone.'
You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of
their nerves of steel.
The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right
on a red.
You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.
In moments of
paranoia, you think that there's no red line on the Metro
because red is a federalist colour.
You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur
if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.
You refer to Tremblant as "up North."
You know how to pronounce Pie IX.
You have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."
You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul but
your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your
classmates live there now.
You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once
a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.
You know at least one person who works for the CBC, and at least one
other person who used to work for Nortel.(Northern
You're not impressed with hardwood floors.
You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.
You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for
at least 25 years.
You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.
You get Bowser & Blue.
You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.
You order fries 'with sauce', not 'with gravy'.
Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK
is finger lickin' good.
You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.
For two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.
You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for
Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think
they're immortal, and that you'll move first.
You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai
Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...and, you
consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy Lafleur,
Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.
You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.
You know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton's.
You miss apostrophes.
You've seen Brother Andre's heart.
No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux
You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.
You measure temperature and
distance in metric, but weight and height in
You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.
April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or
You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to
America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de
You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.
You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never
been in grade 12.
The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.
Every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.
You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose
cousin or something dated
There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24
hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.
You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.
You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.
You're a Habs fan; always was, always will be...
You know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on
centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned
whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).
You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the
You've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee
You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.
You encounter bilingual homeless
While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna"
is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that
the "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.
You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on
how good your English is.
You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA
system, no matter what the language.
You think of Old Montreal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced
restaurants,old buildings and badly paved streets.
You understand that La Fete Nationale is not a celebration of Quebec's
You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even
You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every
You like your pizza all-dressed
This is a copy of a letter I sent to The Montreal Gazette. Ed
Following the bus crash near Plattsburgh, I feel the necessity to write this letter. As a driver of more than three million miles experience I feel that all driver's should know what to do in case of a blown tire.
When a tire deflates it tends to fold under the wheel and reverses with each turn. It tends to throw the vehicle one side and then the other. If the car pulls right there is a tendency to want to pull left. Such a move can be fatal, which is what I suspect happened to the bus. Passengers said the bus veered right and then all the way to the left. The answer is to steer straight ahead. Hold the wheel firmly, ease off the accelerator and brake gently when you have control.
A driver may go fourty years without ever blowing a tire but the half dozen or so times it happened to me at high speed this method always worked. Ed Brown
Verdun h4g 1y9
Monday, August 28, 2006
and the street after. My great grandparents Patrick and Mary Foy,
arrived in Canada from Ireland with my grandmother Annie (10 years old)
in the mid or late 1800s. They probably lived in Griffin Town or Goose
Village, but have no clue.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician
to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said, "he won't even take an
"No problem," replied the doctor, "give him an Irish
Viagra. Drop it into his coffee; he won't even taste
it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know
how things are going."
A few days later she called the doctor to update him
on the "progress."
The poor lady exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and
begorrah! T'was horrid -- just TERRIBLE, doctor!"
"Really!? What happened?" asked the doc tor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his
coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped
his self straight up with that twinkle in his eye, and
with his pants a-bulgin' fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and
tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and
took me then and there, makin' wild, mad, passionate
love to me on the table top! It was a nightmare, I
tell you -- an absolute nightmare!"
"What do you mean, 'terrible'?" asked the doctor. "Do
you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't
"Oh, no, no, NO, doctor... the sex was fantastic
indeed! 'Twas the best sex we've shared i n 25 years!
But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never agin' be able
to show me face in Starbucks!"
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in NSW and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit from the local council. I've been arguing with the Health Department about the need for an on-site toilet. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the working visa status of most of the people who want to work.
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the ATO seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it."
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
>From: "Irene Garcia"
>Subject: Photo Fraud in Lebanon
>Date: Sun, 13 Aug 2006 00:44:52 -0400
>Photo Fraud in Lebanonpress the play button!
>Photo Fraud in Lebanon
>Aish.com's new movie.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Carson many times during the 80s. His M.O. was, 'billions and
billions...' I have his DVD disk set of PBS 'Cosmos' which I highly
recommend for yourselves, kids or grandkids. Trust me, it's not dated.
I haven't been in the mood for a space documentary for awhile, but
last night I fired up disk 1: episode 1, and as always, was totally
Friday, August 11, 2006
Once upon a time
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
" Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't freakin' think so.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Hello there !
Can you identify this location in Verdun ?
Photo taken in 1950.
BTW, you can also identifiy the bus (make, model, year) if you want !
Author: Ron Larman (touchy826), Verdun Connections.
Have a nice day !
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
Tuesday, August 8, 2006
Monday, August 7, 2006
I wish the leaders of our country, Canada, would take a stand like Australia.....
Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.
A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown.
Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular state and its laws were made by parliament.
"If those are not your values, if you want a country which has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you," he said on national television.
"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia, one the Australian law and another the Islamic law, that is false.ﾃあ If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts, democracy, and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices it, perhaps, then, that's a better option," Costello said.
Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country.
Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who did not want to accept local values should "clear off".
"Basically, people who don't want to be Australians, and they don't want to live by Australian values and understand them, well then they can basically clear off," he said.ﾃあ Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques.
USA and Canada..... ARE YOU LISTENING?
IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT.ﾃあ Take It Or Leave It !ﾃあ I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture.ﾃあ Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.
However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.ﾃあ I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.
However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.
This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity.ﾃあ As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.
This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.ﾃあ We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language.ﾃあ Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, then learn the language!
Most Australians believe in God.ﾃあ This is not some Christian, right wing, political push but a fact because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented.ﾃあ It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.ﾃあ If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, Because God is part of our culture.
We will accept your beliefs and will not question why, all we ask is that you accept ours and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.
If the Southern Cross offends you, or you don't like "A Fair Go", then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.
We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from.ﾃあ By all means keep your culture but do not force it on others.
This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this, but once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian/Canadian/US/British et al freedom, "THE RIGHT TO LEAVE."
If you aren't happy here then LEAVE.ﾃあ We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here.ﾃあ So accept the country YOU accepted.
Pretty easy really, when you think about it.Ã I figure if we all keep passing this to our friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers, lets all try, please.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE, PERHAPS WE CAN CREATE A GROUND SWELL AND SEND OUR POLITICIANS THE MESSAGE THAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF US BELIEVE AS THE AUSSIES DO.........
Sunday, August 6, 2006
Friday, August 4, 2006
A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the
he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout
have some brought up to the register.
She asked, "What size condoms?"The customer replied that
She asked him to drop his pants.
She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and
intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."
The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like
of us, was
up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he
that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she
could have some
brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know.
to drop his pants.
She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said,
medium-sized condoms, Register 5."
A f ew customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what
had seen was
way too cool. He had never had
any type of sexual contact with a
female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to
told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She
his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave
squeeze, then picked up the intercom and
"Cleanup, Register 5"
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
Old Sean lived alone in Northern Ireland. He wanted to dig up his
potato garden ready for planting, but it was very hard work. His only
son, Mick, who used to help him, was in an English prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
I am feeling a mite down because it looks like I won't be able to
plant me potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all me troubles would be
over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
For CHRIST'S SAKE, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried all
them feckin' BODIES!
At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen agents from Scotland Yard and
local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden down to
a depth of about six feet. That evening, not finding any bodies, they
apologized to the old man and left.
The next day the old man received another letter from his son:
Go ahead and plant yer spuds now. It's the best I could do under the